DAD:figured out how to help your love life. I’m trading you for seven cows. I’m going old school.
MOM:come hang out with me.
ME:im folding clothes right now
MOM:ok. you can put folded towels around my casket
MOM:Is it ok to text in the toilet? Never thought about it before.
MOM:It’s just multi-tasking.
Imposters pt. 2
ME:how much money is in my account?
DAD:whats my middle name to make sure this is really you
DAD:What do the dippy Kardashian broads actually do?
ME: Hahaaha they’re awesome!
DAD:Why. What’s the reason. What do they do. Where do they come from. Where are they going. What does it all mean.
Funny Link of the day
Top FMLS today
Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML
Today, I saw some bubble wrap on the floor and I got really excited. When I went to pick it up, I realized that it was just plastic wrap. It was the worst part of my day. FML
Today, to prevent a fistfight at work, I had to mediate a contested debate between two coworkers on what was evidently a very touchy subject: Which is better, the orange creamsicle or the ice cream sandwich? I was the only one to get in trouble for wasting company time. FML
Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML
Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML